Choose Your Value!

If you want other people to treat you with kindness, respect and love, you must first show those things to yourself.

This is something that it took me a long time to learn.  I thought that if I was a nice person, giving to others, always putting myself last like a "good girl" then other people would reciprocate by doing the same things back to me.

Unfortunately, most of the time I was wrong.  I was often taken advantage of, used, abused and generally treated like a doormat.

The truth is that other people will usually treat you in the way that you teach them to, the way that you model for them, by the way that you treat yourself. Put yourself last, and more often than not, others will usually follow suit and put you last too.

Sometimes you really have to blow your own trumpet and be your own biggest cheerleader or others are unlikely to notice who you really are. I know that here in England, this is something many of us really struggle with. It's not considered "polite" to toot your own horn.

I see so many people judging themselves and their self worth based on other people's treatment or opinions of them, or worse the amount of praise they do or don't get.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear.

Other people's opinion of you are none of your business. And more to the point - they're just opinions! They don't mean anything!

How you choose to treat yourself sends a powerful message both to other people and to the universe - which will reflect back whatever energy & thoughts you send out.

If you have thoughts that say "I'm not worthy" or "I'll put myself last because I don't matter" then that's the message you are sending to the universe, and it will obediently align to confirm that for you and create more of the same.

Now don't get me wrong, the universe doesn't hate you and it certainly isn't vindictive. It's actually completely neutral, and it exists to serve you through the law of attraction. It simply mirrors what you think & brings that about in your life. That is all.

It's just as the inimitable Mike Dooley teaches;

"Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones!"

The thoughts that you send out on a daily or hourly  basis create your reality.  I can't stress or repeat this often enough.

So, if you want your life to be different, then you not only have to do things you've never done before, you need to think thoughts you've never had before as well.

We've all had a bad day before now, you know the kind. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed, stub your toe on your dresser, spill coffee down your shirt, get cut up in traffic, arrive for work late, absolutely fuming, argue with a colleague and the day goes from bad to worse!

But your day didn't have to go that way. When you wake up, you can choose your attitude for the day, choose your thoughts, choose to see the good in everything and create a happier reality.

When you stubbed your toe on the dresser, you didn't have to get angry and send those frustrated thoughts out to the universe.

All it did was to send them back to you - hence the coffee down your shirt! Again, you could have stopped the cycle there but you didn't. You got even more frustrated and manifested the situation in your car and so on and so forth.

It's a bit of a slap in the face when this is first pointed out, and I remember feeling pretty stupid at the thought that everything that was happening to me was my own "fault" per se.

"But it's not my fault!" I protested.

And believe me I had a hundred "logical" excuses to back that up too!

These days, I choose to value myself, I'm much better at putting myself first and when I catch myself having a negative or angry thought, I try not to dwell on it, and allow myself to reframe it and move on to better more positive thoughts. I don't let small things get to me like they used to. I choose not to get angry so often. Yes, it is a choice, a habit. You can choose your thoughts. It takes  a little practise, but it can be done.

You are the architect of your life - nobody else is responsible for your happiness, just as you're not responsible for anybody else's. And you couldn't force somebody else to be happy if you tried.

You are a wonderful person, a pure and perfect child of God. So start valuing yourself and set the standard for others so they know how to treat you. The universe will respond in kind by sending you better situations and people that match your new mindset, and you can feel proud that you achieved that - not by chance, but by choice.

Because you chose to value yourself. 

Music and Emotions - what are you manifesting?

Music really is a powerful mood enhancer isn't it?  Filmmakers know this, we all know how a movie can take us on emotional roller-coaster with powerful tunes, haunting melodies - we are like putty in their hands!

But there is so much more to music than simply giving us some good feelings or a scary sound track to enhance the latest slasher film.

Certain music can help you to meditate. We all know how you can get lost in a melody or rhythm, and enter an almost trace-like state of peace and bliss. Music is one of the things that really helps to quieten the ego or monkey mind. The right kind of music can be a great help to those of us working on our psychic abilities and awareness.

What most people don't appreciate however, is that melodies and music are powerful emotional influencers and should be used with caution and discernment. Yes, you read  that right!

Equally, the words of songs are like mantra, or affirmations if you will. What you repeat, you are affirming to yourself, programming your mind to believe, and manifesting as your reality.  Sing a song over and over, especially one that evokes strong emotions, and the universe will start trying to create those affirmations as your reality.

Be careful what you listen to my friends!

You can manifest all kinds of things into your life that you may or may not want, just by listening to certain types of music!

It may be time to rethink how often you listen to that Adele album you just bought. As beautiful as her melodic voice is, do you really want to manifest pain & heartbreak in your life right now? And if you're already suffering, do you really want to prolong the agony?

I know far too many people who spend a lot of time listening to sad love songs, only to experience the same themes manifesting in their own lives. Granted, the songs may resonate with them because they recognise the energy and perhaps it matches their current situation, or reminds them a past break-up, making them feel understood and perhaps bringing about some feelings of camaraderie - after all, misery loves company.

But, a word of warning. If you allow yourself to stay in that energy - guess what you're going to manifest. Yep, that's right. More of the same!

People are often surprised when I say that I'd rather not listen to a certain song because the energy doesn't suit me, being too lamenting or sad, but I have good reason. Those are not feelings I want to manifest in my life! 

I don't want to be sad and I certainly don't want to create any reasons to lament either, thank you very much.

I can look back at my life and see times where I may actually have polluted my own energy with music that was too sad, down, pessimistic or just heartbreaking. And guess what situations I manifested in my life - yes, you've got it. Sadness, pessimism and heartbreak! I wish somebody had warned me...

These days I know better and I stick to positive, uplifting music or calming meditative music depending on what I'm trying to create or achieve.

Remember, music creates thoughts and feelings in you, and your thoughts and feelings create your reality.

Music is like a melodic manifestation of pure emotion, and feelings are the key to manifesting the desires that you dare to dream, and the nightmares you hope to avoid.

So choose what you listen to with care, or that break-up song you like so much may become your reality! 

Bless the Things that Challenge You

I've been having a bit of a crazy time recently, my life has had many challenges, and I'm now having to move house at short notice. 

It's upsetting, because I really wasn't planning to leave my current abode so soon. It's a small but functional studio flat. It's not perfect because my lovely cat Evey has to put up with living indoors, but it worked for us. 

After all the upheaval in my life in the last year and a half, this was my safe place, my bolt hole.

Sadly though, due to unpleasantness from my landlord which is beginning to feel like harassment, this place no longer feels like home. 

I don't like to dwell on negatives, and I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason, so instead of letting myself get down about it I decided to look for the blessings instead. 

I made a list so I could reflect on just how lucky I really am:

1. Within 24 hours I managed to find a new place to live, which will cost me less, is nearer to my office and has a garden for Evey to boot. That's nothing short of miraculous! 
2. I feel very grateful for my wonderful friends & colleagues who rallied around me, helped me find my new home, and cheered me up with their love and support. I'm so lucky to have such great people in my life! 
3. I'm moving on to a new place and a new energy which is always good. I love an adventure. 
4. I'm expanding my horizons and my circle of friends. I'm look forward to getting to know my new flat-mate and exploring the very up-and-coming area of Ashley Cross. There are lots of pubs! 

So looking at my list, I'm going to be better off, my cat will be happier and I'm moving away from an unpleasant situation. Not too shabby. I had planned on finding somewhere new this year, but the universe took me by surprise with this one, and really took charge! 

So thank you universe for making my life so difficult that is spurred me into action, making me take the next step of my journey much sooner than I was expecting.

I always remember the words of my life coach at times like these; 

"If you feel uncomfortable, it's because you're growing."

Yes, it's true! Any time we have to step out of our comfort zone, it feels pretty uncomfortable. But only at first. Once our comfort zone has expanded, we are bigger people ready to move on to the next challenge. The feelings of discomfort pass soon enough, and we can get on with enjoying life as an even brighter and grander version of ourselves.

As I see it, you have a choice - you can either view a challenging situation as a problem, or as an opportunity for growth and positive change. 

So, here's to difficulties and challenges - may your life be filled with plenty of them, and may you also have the wisdom to see them for what they truly are - blessings in disguise!

Have a Happy New Year

So here we are again, the start of another brand new year.  The end of 2012 came and went, the earth didn't go up in flames, aliens didn't land and we're all pretty much still here, getting on with it.

Just like every January, this is when the guilt usually begins again.

"I must do such and such this year, I can't believe how much I ate at Christmas and I got so drunk on New Years eve, oh my!"

We look back at all we failed to achieve last year, guiltily make some well-meaning New Years Resolutions to lose weight, sign up for gym membership, try to spend more time with the kids, all without really considering how we'll achieve our goals. Sadly most of us give up after a couple of months and feel like a failure. 

Well here's a thought; maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack for a change instead.

Let me put it this way. Guilt is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Guilt is a pretty negative emotion and not one I would encourage. I'm going to suggest that instead, we could start each new year by counting our blessings, looking around and truly seeing everything we have to be grateful for already.

This could be a simple as being in good health, having a roof over your head and food to eat.  These simple things may not sound like much, but believe me they would suddenly become very important indeed if you didn't have them.

Why not try making a list of all the things you have to be happy and grateful for this January instead of a list of resolutions that you probably wont keep, and will then beat yourself up about later.

Lets start the year happy instead of guilty. If there are things you want to achieve, then pick a time later in the year when the New Years Resolution madness has passed, and sit down to do some proper goal setting.

Make sure there are lots of easy, achievable steps to your goal so you don't get overwhelmed, or better yet, find yourself a life coach (personally I work with the fabulous Jacqueline Fairbrass) who will help you to make small, comfortable changes that fit into your lifestyle.

 You can always join the gym in February if you still really want to. I'm sure it will still be there!

Here's wishing you a Fantastic New Year, one and all. Guilt Free!