Clear that Clutter!

I recently downsized & moved into a lovely studio flat in near the beach, in Dorset, England where I live.

On moving in, I soon realised that I had far more possessions than comfortably fit inside a tiny studio flat. I ended up with a big pile of "stuff" in the middle of the floor which didn't seem to want to fit in anywhere, and was still stubbornly there, over a month after I moved in.

It really started to annoy me, but I couldn't decide what to do about it. It was "my stuff" after all.

I finally mustered the energy to start going through it. There were papers that needed sorting, recycling or shredding, and an assortment of random things that I couldn't seem to let go of including a motorcycle helmet, Kung Fu sparring pads and a guitar. All barely used.

Now that last time I got on a motorbike was 2006 so why hadn't I got rid of the helmet? I haven't practised Kung Fu for over 10 years now, so again; why was I still hanging on to all the gear?

I had always reasoned that "I might need them again one day", and so my junk pile has stayed with me, being moved and stored in various houses, lofts and garages over the years!

I've recently been studying the Law of Attraction in more depth, and to my horror I realised that all that clutter was sabotaging my efforts!

I knew that I probably should get rid of a lot of it, but I'd never quite managed to make my peace with it. 

I knew the old adage about tidy house, tidy mind, but I wasn't too bothered. I didn't think I was that bad, surely?

During my marriage, my bossy mother in law made me get rid of a lot of things and I regretted losing many of them. I think that's partly why I was resisting having a clear out. Bad mother in law memories!

It struck me however, that I should consider the message that desperately grasping & holding onto these things was sending to the universe.

I was basically saying that I didn't trust that I would ever have the things I need again, and that I'd be missing out if I let them go. My energy of exchange was totally stuck! I couldn't let go of the old, so the new couldn't come in.

I was blocking the flow of abundance to me, by refusing to let go of things I didn't even need, out of fear I'd never have them again.

I realised that the trick is to let go - trust that the universe is plentiful, abundant and that you will always have what you need, and you'll always be well provided for.

I have now found homes for most of my unwanted items, the shredding is done, and I have a few last bits to take to the tip.

I feel lighter, and my flat is starting to look a hundred times better.

If you're feeling stuck, I recommend having a clear-out of all your clutter. Whether it's physical "stuff" like mine, or mental clutter like negative thoughts and subconscious beliefs that no longer serve you.

You will feel like a new person!

I Can't Meditate!

"I can't meditate because I can't switch off."

To anyone who has ever said that, I reply. Yes, you can. You just need to get your ego under control.

I first learned about the human "ego" whilst reading Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now.

It is an impressive, if challenging read, and looks at the theory of living in the moment, and letting go of fear and negative emotion.

It suggests that we can all live in love and happiness if we can only get our ego under control.

The ego is the conscious part of your mind. This is probably what you think of as "ME", because it tells you what to do and chatters away like a monkey all day, everyday, making you think it's in charge.

It makes decisions for you, warns you away from things it is afraid of, and is pretty hard to control.  Most of us don't even realise it's there until we attempt to meditate for the first time or partake in a similar spiritual practise that requires quietening of the mind.

"I just can't switch my mind off" is the common phrase you'll hear.  Well actually you can, it just takes practise.

Unfortunately, your ego is a necessary evil. It keeps you alive and looks after you as best it can while you're growing up.  The problem is, unless you've been taught how to make it keep quiet at will, you wont have heard any of the other, wiser voices, like that of your subconscious mind and higher or spiritual self.

"Uh-oh, she's talking about voices in her head"  I hear you say "she must be crazy!"

Not at all, we all have an inner dialogue and some parts of it are more helpful than others.

The ego, which is similar to the monkey mind that the Buddha spoke of, is simply a servant that has run rampage in the castle, and made the king believe he is in charge.

Get your ego under control, and your thoughts will be under control, you'll feel happier and meditation suddenly becomes a whole lot easier.

There's no quick fix, but music designed to put you in a meditative state of mind helps, along with deep breathing. It takes practise, but the more you meditate, the easier it becomes.

So keep at it, and hush that ego up!

ACTION!

There's lots of talk about the Law Of Attraction these days. You can't get away from it.

I've heard it called many names like Cosmic Ordering and The Secret, but it's all about the same thing. Basically, it's the law of "how to get what you want". 

For those of you who have been living in a box for the past goodness-knows how long, the principle is that the universe is like a big mail-order catalogue, and you just need to put in your "Universal Order" for the life of your dreams, and the "Law of Attraction" brings it to you. Woohoo!

Lots of people read about it, love the principles, and have a go. Unfortunately, most of them fail, or only succeed to a small degree.

They turn their backs on the principles, disillusioned, or somehow convinced that "It doesn't work for me" but the truth is that the Law of Attraction is always on, always working and very obedient.

I tried it a few years ago, with mediocre results. I was left feeling bemused. I knew it should work, but what on earth was I doing wrong? I was visualising like mad, my virtual vision board was brimming with pictures of what I wanted to achieve but it just wasn't happening.

It took me a long time to work out the missing pieces of the puzzle.

A big one is Action.

A mistake a lot of my peers make, be they holistic therapists or psychics etc, is that they fail to take the correct  action, or any action at all!

Now, you can sit in a cave visualising your dreams like mad, but unless you get up of your backside, walk out of the cave and start to take corresponding action, there ain't nothing gonna happen!

Let me just make that a little clearer.

YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING!

 Yes, it came as a shock to me too. I was expecting clients to start lining up at my door, and my business to magically take off. But guess what. That's not how it works.

It's a very powerful law, and it really can bring you everything you want, but you have to meet it half way. I'm afraid action is the boring, mundane and definitely un-magical part, that doesn't appeal to many of us. But without this crucial element, you will fail time and time again.

Believe me, I did!

If you start to take action, you confirm to the universe what your intentions are & it will respond by beginning to align itself to meet your needs. Opportunities will start to appear, chance encounters, lucky contacts,  fortuitous events. None of it is by accident.

The universe wants you to have everything you want, and it does it's best to bring it to you.

Align your thoughts to what you want, keep your feelings positive, and take the right action towards your dreams.

That's all.

I'm not saying it's easy-peasy, but it's definitely do-able.

So what are you waiting for? Lights and a camera?

ACTION!

Nothing Changes Unless YOU Change It

I overheard a conversation between two officer workers at lunch the other day. They were commiserating about what a hard life they had at work and how rubbish it all was.

Just as they were finishing their lunch break, I heard one say:

"Nothing (insert expletive) changes around here, I wonder what (another expletive) we're in for this afternoon?" to which his friend heartily agreed, and off they trooped, back to their desks, like good worker ants.

I should point out that both men have worked for their company for as long as I can remember, so since at least 1999. That's 13 years!

They haven't done anything much to try and change their position in that time so why would they expect anything to be different?

I was a little shocked by their negative attitude, but even more shocked by the fact that although they clearly weren't particularly happy or fulfilled, they didn't seem prepared to do anything about it either.

Then it hit me.  Maybe they just didn't realise that there was anything they could do.

Change is scary for anybody, whether you want to admit it or not. I had to conclude that the two men in question either just weren't that motivated to change and find something new, or they were too frightened to start afresh.

I have heard similar laments in staff feedback forums, where people go on about how unfulfilled they are, how much they dislike their job, their conditions, their desk, the person they have to sit next to etc.  They all have one big thing in common. They are all happy to sit and whinge about it, but almost none of them has taken any real action to make themselves happier, or to change their situation. At best they might go and work for a different company, and just find new things to whinge about.

There's a recession, so the media keep telling us, and the company I'm talking about (which shall remain nameless), is actually a pretty good one to work for. They are doing well, and the staff have had bonuses & pay rises this year, there's lots of recognition for achievement, internal progression opportunities, flexible working hours if needed and you are pretty well looked after.  To be fair, things could be a lot worse than working there.

And yet despite all this, the staff whinge!

Why all the whinging?!

Could the whinging be a smokescreen to hide their own personal inadequacies, their own fear of change and lack of getting up off their backsides to do something? A way for their mind to keep them conveniently distracted so they don't try to step out of the mould and make a change?

It's true that the mind doesn't like change. Specifically a very ancient and basic part of your mind called the Limbic Brain. Change is unknown, change is scary. Your limbic brain will try all kinds of tricks to keep you from changing.

Don't get me wrong,. This part of your mind really does have your best interests at heart, it wants you to survive. Change is an unknown quantity, and for all it knows you could get eaten by a bear.

But the key word here is survive. It knows nothing of being happy and fulfilled, it's just trying to keep you alive. Unfortunately, if working in an unfulfilling office job and feeling depressed each day keeps you alive then that's cool.

If you start to have dreams about new things which are unknown to your limbic brain, it's going to freak out and try to stop you. It does this using fear.  Fear is the limbic brain's best defence and the one thing that holds people back from living their dreams. It's not lack of money, lack of resource, lack of education. You can get all of these things, you can work around them. If you're determined enough you'll always find what you need to succeed, but you can't do any of these things if you're paralysed by fear.

In the words of Susan Jeffers, if you want to be happy and fulfilled, it's time to "Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway!"

So get your big girl (or big boy) panties on, get out there, start living your dreams and stop whinging!

Recommended reading: Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway, Susan Jeffers

It's Not Fair!

It's really notfair. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't deserve that.

The sad truth isthat just because you didn't do anything wrong, doesn't mean that you can't gethurt.

I hear this so manytimes when relationships break down, or people are treated with unkindness, orreceive a "punishment" that they really didn't deserve. It saddens medeeply, but it seems to be a part of life for all of us at some point or other.

I found myself inthis very situation at the end of last year following the end of a personalrelationship, where everybody who knows me agreed that I really didn't doanything wrong, but I still got horribly hurt. 

As my friendJeanette bluntly put it "He's just an *sshole"!

Well, I can't arguewith that.

I have made it arule that I always try to be kind & give people the benefit of the doubt inlife. I have learnt from painful experience however that for every kind heartedgiver, there is a taker who will take and take and take some more from you, withoutremorse, for as long as you keep on giving. And woe betide you if you stop!

A phenomenon that Ihave encountered recently is people who appear to be givers, but who give tothe wrong people. They give to the takers, but not to other givers who wouldhelp them in exchange.

In a way they are nobetter or happier than the takers, and another group to avoid!

Life isn't alwaysfair, and there are lots of lessons to learn. Through these sometimes harshlessons, much wisdom is available to you, if you are prepared to see it.

The world is one biguniversity, and we'll all be attending for the rest of our lives whether welike it or not, so it's best to lean your lessons well so you can spot thetakers and keep a safe distance.

Wisdom is simplyknowledge, applied.

That's not to saythat you should stop being a kind or giving person, just learn to be a littlemore discerning about the people you encounter, and learn to see the warningsigns.

You'll know thatyou're getting the hang of this when each time a similar situation arises, youcan recognise it faster & walk away.

Like many of us,I've had plenty of failed relationships, both with romantic partners andfriends.

Despite getting hurttime after time, I simply refuse to allow it to make me into a bitter, twistedor unkind person. The world has enough of those already, I shan't be joiningtheir ranks!

I pick myself upwith the help of my wonderful friends, put myself back together again, and moveon with an open and loving heart, ready to be kind to the next person I meet.

When you do find theright one, it'll be worth it.