It wasn't meant to be

Ah, those immortal words that we hear so often from well meaning family and friends when we fail to get the job we want, a relationship goes wrong or there's some other upset in our lives.

I have to admit that I really don't like that saying at all.

Not just because I associate it with difficult times in my life, and that makes me feel bad, but because it always feels so horribly disempowering and rather patronising.

"How do you know?!" I want to shout back.  

How do they know indeed?

If somebody else did better than me in a job interview, then that's just what happened on the day. If my partner decided to break up with me, he had his reasons for that. Maybe I did something wrong that I can learn from, or maybe he just had issues that he found he was unable to deal with.

All I know for sure is that I did the best I could with the information I had at the time. Somebody taking away my power by telling me "it wasn't meant to be" really isn't helpful. It just makes me wonder why I bothered!

I honestly believe that we are very much in control of our own destiny and lines like "it wasn't meant to be" just infuriate me.

It seems to encourage us to give up without a fight, to let go of what we want and accept that we are merely helpless pawns in some cosmic game of chess.

I refuse to give up just because I get knocked back a few times. That's no recipe for success!

Imagine a child trying to take her first steps but falling down and her family saying "Oh well, it wasn't meant to be. You'll never walk!" 

How ridiculous!

I believe this is a friendly universe, we get back what we send out and we are far more in control of our own destiny than society, religion and those in power want us to realise. We are only now beginning to understand the law of attraction and how we directly influence our reality with our thoughts and feelings.

Society puts so much emphasis on what we can't do rather than what we can. I can't help thinking how wrong that is.

I fear that we've become a society of helpless victims, mindless, non-ambitious sheep believing whatever depressing nonsense the media spews at us. Most have become comfortable in mediocrity, and fallen into the trap of believing that they'll never really better themselves. They gave up too easily on their dreams instead of battling on, because they believed it wasn't meant to be.

In truth, the only thing we can't control in life is other people. (OK, and earthquakes, natural disasters etc but you get my point!)

Even so, we can change situations dramatically by changing how we react to other people and how we choose to be and think.

Maybe whatever unpleasant experience you had, actually happened exactly how it WAS meant to be based on the choices you made at the time. There was no failure, just life experience and a chance to do better next time armed with new knowledge. It may even be worth having another go or taking a different approach!

Things happen because of the choices made by the people involved, not by some cruel fate or incontrollable destiny that we are all slaves to.

This may seem to be an unusual opinion to be coming from a working psychic medium. As you may know, I carry out psychic readings and make future predictions for my clients.

People come to me for advice about their lives and a glimpse of their future. I always try to make it very clear that the information I give them is based on current circumstances, and that they can always change things by making different choices. 

Nothing is ever cast in stone. Fact.

So, don't you let anybody tell you what is or isn't meant to be in your life. You make the choices and you alone are in control.

Go get'em tiger!

Choose Your Value!

If you want other people to treat you with kindness, respect and love, you must first show those things to yourself.

This is something that it took me a long time to learn.  I thought that if I was a nice person, giving to others, always putting myself last like a "good girl" then other people would reciprocate by doing the same things back to me.

Unfortunately, most of the time I was wrong.  I was often taken advantage of, used, abused and generally treated like a doormat.

The truth is that other people will usually treat you in the way that you teach them to, the way that you model for them, by the way that you treat yourself. Put yourself last, and more often than not, others will usually follow suit and put you last too.

Sometimes you really have to blow your own trumpet and be your own biggest cheerleader or others are unlikely to notice who you really are. I know that here in England, this is something many of us really struggle with. It's not considered "polite" to toot your own horn.

I see so many people judging themselves and their self worth based on other people's treatment or opinions of them, or worse the amount of praise they do or don't get.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear.

Other people's opinion of you are none of your business. And more to the point - they're just opinions! They don't mean anything!

How you choose to treat yourself sends a powerful message both to other people and to the universe - which will reflect back whatever energy & thoughts you send out.

If you have thoughts that say "I'm not worthy" or "I'll put myself last because I don't matter" then that's the message you are sending to the universe, and it will obediently align to confirm that for you and create more of the same.

Now don't get me wrong, the universe doesn't hate you and it certainly isn't vindictive. It's actually completely neutral, and it exists to serve you through the law of attraction. It simply mirrors what you think & brings that about in your life. That is all.

It's just as the inimitable Mike Dooley teaches;

"Thoughts become things. Choose the good ones!"

The thoughts that you send out on a daily or hourly  basis create your reality.  I can't stress or repeat this often enough.

So, if you want your life to be different, then you not only have to do things you've never done before, you need to think thoughts you've never had before as well.

We've all had a bad day before now, you know the kind. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed, stub your toe on your dresser, spill coffee down your shirt, get cut up in traffic, arrive for work late, absolutely fuming, argue with a colleague and the day goes from bad to worse!

But your day didn't have to go that way. When you wake up, you can choose your attitude for the day, choose your thoughts, choose to see the good in everything and create a happier reality.

When you stubbed your toe on the dresser, you didn't have to get angry and send those frustrated thoughts out to the universe.

All it did was to send them back to you - hence the coffee down your shirt! Again, you could have stopped the cycle there but you didn't. You got even more frustrated and manifested the situation in your car and so on and so forth.

It's a bit of a slap in the face when this is first pointed out, and I remember feeling pretty stupid at the thought that everything that was happening to me was my own "fault" per se.

"But it's not my fault!" I protested.

And believe me I had a hundred "logical" excuses to back that up too!

These days, I choose to value myself, I'm much better at putting myself first and when I catch myself having a negative or angry thought, I try not to dwell on it, and allow myself to reframe it and move on to better more positive thoughts. I don't let small things get to me like they used to. I choose not to get angry so often. Yes, it is a choice, a habit. You can choose your thoughts. It takes  a little practise, but it can be done.

You are the architect of your life - nobody else is responsible for your happiness, just as you're not responsible for anybody else's. And you couldn't force somebody else to be happy if you tried.

You are a wonderful person, a pure and perfect child of God. So start valuing yourself and set the standard for others so they know how to treat you. The universe will respond in kind by sending you better situations and people that match your new mindset, and you can feel proud that you achieved that - not by chance, but by choice.

Because you chose to value yourself. 

Music and Emotions - what are you manifesting?

Music really is a powerful mood enhancer isn't it?  Filmmakers know this, we all know how a movie can take us on emotional roller-coaster with powerful tunes, haunting melodies - we are like putty in their hands!

But there is so much more to music than simply giving us some good feelings or a scary sound track to enhance the latest slasher film.

Certain music can help you to meditate. We all know how you can get lost in a melody or rhythm, and enter an almost trace-like state of peace and bliss. Music is one of the things that really helps to quieten the ego or monkey mind. The right kind of music can be a great help to those of us working on our psychic abilities and awareness.

What most people don't appreciate however, is that melodies and music are powerful emotional influencers and should be used with caution and discernment. Yes, you read  that right!

Equally, the words of songs are like mantra, or affirmations if you will. What you repeat, you are affirming to yourself, programming your mind to believe, and manifesting as your reality.  Sing a song over and over, especially one that evokes strong emotions, and the universe will start trying to create those affirmations as your reality.

Be careful what you listen to my friends!

You can manifest all kinds of things into your life that you may or may not want, just by listening to certain types of music!

It may be time to rethink how often you listen to that Adele album you just bought. As beautiful as her melodic voice is, do you really want to manifest pain & heartbreak in your life right now? And if you're already suffering, do you really want to prolong the agony?

I know far too many people who spend a lot of time listening to sad love songs, only to experience the same themes manifesting in their own lives. Granted, the songs may resonate with them because they recognise the energy and perhaps it matches their current situation, or reminds them a past break-up, making them feel understood and perhaps bringing about some feelings of camaraderie - after all, misery loves company.

But, a word of warning. If you allow yourself to stay in that energy - guess what you're going to manifest. Yep, that's right. More of the same!

People are often surprised when I say that I'd rather not listen to a certain song because the energy doesn't suit me, being too lamenting or sad, but I have good reason. Those are not feelings I want to manifest in my life! 

I don't want to be sad and I certainly don't want to create any reasons to lament either, thank you very much.

I can look back at my life and see times where I may actually have polluted my own energy with music that was too sad, down, pessimistic or just heartbreaking. And guess what situations I manifested in my life - yes, you've got it. Sadness, pessimism and heartbreak! I wish somebody had warned me...

These days I know better and I stick to positive, uplifting music or calming meditative music depending on what I'm trying to create or achieve.

Remember, music creates thoughts and feelings in you, and your thoughts and feelings create your reality.

Music is like a melodic manifestation of pure emotion, and feelings are the key to manifesting the desires that you dare to dream, and the nightmares you hope to avoid.

So choose what you listen to with care, or that break-up song you like so much may become your reality! 

Bless the Things that Challenge You

I've been having a bit of a crazy time recently, my life has had many challenges, and I'm now having to move house at short notice. 

It's upsetting, because I really wasn't planning to leave my current abode so soon. It's a small but functional studio flat. It's not perfect because my lovely cat Evey has to put up with living indoors, but it worked for us. 

After all the upheaval in my life in the last year and a half, this was my safe place, my bolt hole.

Sadly though, due to unpleasantness from my landlord which is beginning to feel like harassment, this place no longer feels like home. 

I don't like to dwell on negatives, and I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason, so instead of letting myself get down about it I decided to look for the blessings instead. 

I made a list so I could reflect on just how lucky I really am:

1. Within 24 hours I managed to find a new place to live, which will cost me less, is nearer to my office and has a garden for Evey to boot. That's nothing short of miraculous! 
2. I feel very grateful for my wonderful friends & colleagues who rallied around me, helped me find my new home, and cheered me up with their love and support. I'm so lucky to have such great people in my life! 
3. I'm moving on to a new place and a new energy which is always good. I love an adventure. 
4. I'm expanding my horizons and my circle of friends. I'm look forward to getting to know my new flat-mate and exploring the very up-and-coming area of Ashley Cross. There are lots of pubs! 

So looking at my list, I'm going to be better off, my cat will be happier and I'm moving away from an unpleasant situation. Not too shabby. I had planned on finding somewhere new this year, but the universe took me by surprise with this one, and really took charge! 

So thank you universe for making my life so difficult that is spurred me into action, making me take the next step of my journey much sooner than I was expecting.

I always remember the words of my life coach at times like these; 

"If you feel uncomfortable, it's because you're growing."

Yes, it's true! Any time we have to step out of our comfort zone, it feels pretty uncomfortable. But only at first. Once our comfort zone has expanded, we are bigger people ready to move on to the next challenge. The feelings of discomfort pass soon enough, and we can get on with enjoying life as an even brighter and grander version of ourselves.

As I see it, you have a choice - you can either view a challenging situation as a problem, or as an opportunity for growth and positive change. 

So, here's to difficulties and challenges - may your life be filled with plenty of them, and may you also have the wisdom to see them for what they truly are - blessings in disguise!

Have a Happy New Year

So here we are again, the start of another brand new year.  The end of 2012 came and went, the earth didn't go up in flames, aliens didn't land and we're all pretty much still here, getting on with it.

Just like every January, this is when the guilt usually begins again.

"I must do such and such this year, I can't believe how much I ate at Christmas and I got so drunk on New Years eve, oh my!"

We look back at all we failed to achieve last year, guiltily make some well-meaning New Years Resolutions to lose weight, sign up for gym membership, try to spend more time with the kids, all without really considering how we'll achieve our goals. Sadly most of us give up after a couple of months and feel like a failure. 

Well here's a thought; maybe it's time to cut yourself some slack for a change instead.

Let me put it this way. Guilt is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Guilt is a pretty negative emotion and not one I would encourage. I'm going to suggest that instead, we could start each new year by counting our blessings, looking around and truly seeing everything we have to be grateful for already.

This could be a simple as being in good health, having a roof over your head and food to eat.  These simple things may not sound like much, but believe me they would suddenly become very important indeed if you didn't have them.

Why not try making a list of all the things you have to be happy and grateful for this January instead of a list of resolutions that you probably wont keep, and will then beat yourself up about later.

Lets start the year happy instead of guilty. If there are things you want to achieve, then pick a time later in the year when the New Years Resolution madness has passed, and sit down to do some proper goal setting.

Make sure there are lots of easy, achievable steps to your goal so you don't get overwhelmed, or better yet, find yourself a life coach (personally I work with the fabulous Jacqueline Fairbrass) who will help you to make small, comfortable changes that fit into your lifestyle.

 You can always join the gym in February if you still really want to. I'm sure it will still be there!

Here's wishing you a Fantastic New Year, one and all. Guilt Free!

What goes around...

"What comes around goes around."

There's so much truth in this saying. It's much more than a cliché or something that you just say to comfort yourself when you've been wronged, it's the natural law of the universe.

What you give will eventually be what you get - just maybe not today, and only if you let it.

I often see people after relationship breakups lamenting the fact that they gave so much, loved so much but it was never returned by the object of their affection.  Equally you may have helped a friend or shown kindness to a stranger and felt put out when the favour wasn't returned or they didn't even bother to thank you.

Don't be discouraged! What you send out into the world, whether it's kindness, love, affection, or even anger and hatred (eek!) will always come back to you one way or another.

The key phrase here being one way or another.

It's much easier to see this once you learn that it's not always the person you were expecting or hoping to return the favour or the love, that gives it back to you.

Love and kindness are never wasted, so please never stop giving them.  The Law of Attraction is very clear about this - what you send out always comes back.  Your thoughts and feelings are messengers to the universe, and it will  reflect them right back to you.

Yes, that's right. Your thoughts and feelings directly affect and create your reality! Empowering isn't it?

Luckily for us, positive thoughts and feelings are a lot stronger than the negative ones, so you don't have to worry about getting cross occasionally. People who have done wrong and been cruel or unkind will suffer their own fate, don't you worry about that. 

But here's the real clincher; 

You have to allow yourself to receive the good that you're due.  

How many times do you refuse to let others help you? When have you turned down somebody who wanted to do a good deed? The universe can only give you what you actually allow it to! Stop blocking the flow of kindness and love, and let others help you!

I have to reiterate this last point rather a lot in my readings, often to women and frequently to mothers.

Giving is wonderful, but receiving is also necessary in order for someone to give!

Our society seems to be programmed that its ok to give but not to receive. 

"To give is better than to receive." they tell us.

What a load of cobblers! I want you to throw that saying away right now, and replace it with this one;

"Giving and receiving love make the world a better place."

If everybody is busy trying to give and nobody wants to receive, the energy gets stuck and can't flow like it should. How does that help anybody? It doesn't!

Know your self worth - you are worthy of receiving, just like everybody else.

So next time you're about to turn down an offer help, I want you to think very carefully about why you're doing it. Do you believe on some level that it's somehow "rude" or "selfish" to accept help and kindness?  Let me tell you right now - It's not! In fact, you are giving the other person a great gift by allowing them to give to you!

You know that great feeling you get when you help somebody selflessly? When you show love, kindness and care? Lovely isn't it. Makes you feel all warm inside. So, why would you deny those good feelings to another person by refusing to let them help you?

Now that is selfish!

Kindness and love shown to others always comes back  to you - as long as you let it.

What goes around really does come back around, but you need to remember get out of the way and let it happen!

Just Be YOU

When did just being yourself cease to be good enough? When did doing your best stop being OK?

I was wondering this today whilst eating a well-earned, vegan, cooked breakfast.

In my work I have to help people through many difficult situations, often involving relationship breakdowns, employment changes, "failures" and other challenging times in their lives. You know, the run of the mill stuff that happens to all of us, the times when we all need a helping hand, or a kind word to help us get by.

What really startles me though, is the number of people who refuse to believe that just being themselves, and doing their best is already enough.

"Oh, if only I'd done this, or been that, or bought the other, things would have been different!"

Would they really? I doubt it.

This may sound obvious, but you can only ever be YOU.  You can't be somebody else, and you shouldn't try.

Living a lie is awful - it's not living at all. It's barely existing, playing a part like an actor, denying your truth, your reality. You become a mere spectre of your former self - a ghost. Life loses all meaning.

You did the best you could under the circumstances, and that's all you could have done.

No one can ever do more than that. So why beat yourself up about it? You can't change the past, and you can't change what you did or how others reacted.

Chances are that you actually did pretty well in whichever challenging situation you're still ruminating over, so right now you should actually be giving yourself a pat on the back rather than beating yourself up about your "shortcomings."

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for self development and improving our skills in the workplace, in relationships and growing as a person. But let me make one thing absolutely clear:

You are enough and You are good enough. 

Not everybody will see that, and not everybody will like you or appreciate what you do.

That's their problem, not yours. Other people's opinions of you are none of your business. They don't define who you are, they're just opinions.

Your responsibility in this life is to remember how to love yourself, put yourself first and be OK with being you. Otherwise, what's the point?

I see so many people searching for meaning in their lives - always looking outside of themselves to circumstances, objects or other people to make them feel better, to make them feel they have a purpose. Unsurprisingly, this never works, or if it does, then only for a very limited time.

The purpose of your life is to live it. To be you. That is all, so enjoy it.

You were born to be you, that is your job in this lifetime. To quote the inspiring Lisa Nichols, "Nobody else can dance your dance or sing your song..."

So please, take a load off and relax. You are already a perfect being, you were created to be YOU. Isn't that amazing?! Without you the world would be a lesser place. 

You are an amazing spiritual being expressing yourself in human form! You are already perfect!

Think of all the people you've touched in your life, the ones you've helped, the other ones you may have challenged and in doing so helped them to grow.

You are amazing, and your life is so important just because you're YOU! Doesn't that make you feel great?

The best part is that after all the restless searching, trying to find meaning in our lives, the answer was there all along.

Life is so simple, that you can sum it up in two words;

I AM

And so are you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you need some extra clarity, or if you're looking for answers, you can book your own private reading with Helen; The Myth Buster is at your service! 

Visit www.angelwingsholistics.com or email helen@angelwingsholistics.com

Lets get your life back on track!