Never Fight Your Feelings

"You should never fight your feelings ... " so the song by Embrace goes. And that's absolutely right.

It never ceases to amaze me the wisdom that comes out of seemingly vacuous pop songs.

We've all had a time in our lives where we have feelings we wish we didn't have, anger, resentment, even love for somebody who has betrayed or let us down. We wish we could just switch them off and we fight them, trying to beat them into submission, and beat ourselves up by the same measure.

Stop!

Feelings are there to be felt - your emotions are what you feel and there's nothing you can do about it.

Feelings aren't bad, they just tell you things about yourself. They remind us that we're alive, that we are loving, caring people, or that we believe in something.

The best way to help unwanted feelings to go is firstly to accept that you have them, then to allow yourself to feel them fully, without judgement. Recognise them, let them come in, feel them fully - no matter how painful, and I promise they will pass leaving you with a feeling of peace.

I had to carry out this very exercise this morning. I was feeling sorry for myself, and decided to let myself feel it instead of berating myself for being a "weakling."

I had a good cry, let it all out, and the feelings subsided leaving me more peaceful and able to enjoy the rest of my day.

I've touched on this in the past in my previous article Feeling Down? but I felt this needed repeating again, because I'm seeing a lot of people going through difficult times right now, and a little extra TLC is needed.

Mercury turned retrograde on 6th November which always brings up challenging emotions and is a time of introspection and looking at the past. That's never easy, and can be turbulent for anyone.

So please, if you're having a hard time, don't make it worse for yourself by trying to repress your feelings. You can't fight them so don't try. Honour them for what they are, let them out and let them go. They will pass eventually.

Feelings need to be felt. 

Just remember one thing - you don't have to act on them!

'Tis the Season to be... Selfish?

It's October. There are 71 days until the big day at the time of writing this article. Yes you guessed it - I'm talking about Christmas, Yule, The Holiday Season if you will.

We've not even had Hallowe'en yet and the shops are already  bombarding us with Christmas lights, tinsel, apparel, foods (which incidentally will be long out of date by the actual holiday), alcohol and the usual mountains of toys and silly "stocking filler" and "must-have" gifts.

Am I turning into a grumpy old lady or is this holiday stuff getting more ridiculous every year?

Now, I have nothing against being organised and planning your holiday in advance, budgeting and perhaps buying presents throughout the year, but I've been seeing this sort of thing since September. It all feels a little excessive, and perhaps a bit desperate on the part of the shops and our society as a whole.

Buy, buy, buy! The adverts scream at us - Eat, eat, eat! Greed, greed, greed!

I'm sorry to say it, but our vacuous, celebrity-worshipping, narcissistic culture has really lost the meaning of this holiday and turned it into a monstrous, brightly lit, greed-fest that glorifies selfishness and gluttony.

Instead of carols, when I think of this holiday, I hear the sounds of screaming spoilt children (I can't believe you got me a Blackberry - I wanted an iPhone5!) and the images that fill my mind are not of giving and sharing, but of senseless hoarding, overeating, social exclusion and waste.

Oh yes, I hear you say, we all know about the starving children in Africa, but there's nothing we can do about that! Anyway I gave £2 to a charity 6 months ago, so I've done my part!

Have you really?

What about the people closer to home who are simply left out at Christmas time? The lonely, the excluded, the undesirables, the ones with no family. The elderly left in care homes, the sick in hospitals whose relatives either don't care or can't be bothered to visit their "cantankerous" old uncle, the homeless, the invisible ones, the "normal" ones who just have nowhere to go?

Why is it left to a few good people who volunteer at the holidays (or have to work because it's their job) to try and make the day less empty for these people?

Now, I'm sure I don't need to teach you about the meaning of the holiday in question here - no matter your belief system or faith, it's supposed to be a time of sharing, kindness and warmth. We all know this, we were all taught this in our schools, places of worship and/or family homes, so why do most of us fail to actually live up to that? Why do we pretend that everything's fine and just stuff our faces, drink ourselves silly and end up half-comatose, watching the Holiday Specials in front of the TV, without more than a thought for our fellow man who may not be so lucky?

Why do we not do more for others in the season of "goodwill to all men." Where is your goodwill or do you just pay lip-service to the sentiment like most people?

This may shock you but I found myself left alone at Christmas once, 12 years ago and it was the most depressing experience I've ever had. It was a shock to me too. I was in a new area with no friends to speak of, family who either lived miles away, or who selfishly told me I wasn't welcome and made no effort to include me even when I begged them to, and colleagues who just didn't care. When I mentioned it in passing, one colleague asked me not to talk about it because it was "making him feel depressed!" 

The only person who tried to help was a girl who barely knew me. 

What saddens me most is that my story is not unique - I was just one of thousands, some of whom didn't even have a roof over their heads or food to eat. I thank my lucky stars that I wasn't homeless that year too! 

Kudos to all the volunteers and workers who do what they can to include and look after the needy, helpless, lonely and ill during the holiday season. If you've never been alone at Christmas, you probably wont understand how heartbreaking it is to have to spend this "family" holiday alone . The dreadful feeling of social exclusion, not daring to turn on the TV because you know that every channel will be trying to shove it down your throat, reminding you over and over of how unwanted you are. It's more than you can bear, believe me.

There's a lot more everybody can do than they actually do, so I'm calling upon your conscience - this year make a difference. In this day and age, in such rich Western countries as ours, no one should be excluded or left out. No excuses.

Can you invite the lonely little old lady down the road and make an extra space at your table? Can you spare a few hours or gift for a needy child? Do you really "need" all that food?

Instead of allowing our children to think all about Me, Me, Me, and I Want, like the TV ads and retailers brainwash them to focus on for their shareholders' selfish gain, let's teach them to look after others. 

It's time to walk the talk, lead by example. 'Do as I say, not as I do' just doesn't work.

In a time when depression is at an all time high and people complain more than ever that their lives are empty and lacking meaning, this is so important to learn early on. Objects wont make you happy or fill your heart with joy (well not for long anyway). Things don't matter - people do.

Let's teach our children to make a difference. Let's be the difference.

~

A big thank you to the wonderful Michelle Ruffle who provided the inspiration for this article. Let our Christmas holiday volunteering be filled with fun, laughter and dressing up!

Leave no man behind!

Don't get too big for your boots!

"Don't get too big for your boots!"

I was thinking about this saying recently after seeing somebody shot down in flames on Facebook for voicing an opinion and taking a stand. They were accused of sounding "arrogant and conceited".

Sadly that person was me!

It reminded me of the old and often unkindly used adage "Don't get too big for your boots!" that I've heard used against people many times in my life. It's an expression I've never been happy with. It just doesn't resonate with me, it seems cruel and unkind.

It got me wondering; why do we say it? Where did this expression even come from in the first place?

The definitions I looked up online all agree that this expression signifies one who is conceited, arrogant or has an exaggerated self-image. 

But why, I ask, would getting too big for an item of clothing be a bad thing?

As a child, if I got too big for a pair of shoes or boots, it simply meant that I was growing, which is something children and their parents are usually glowingly proud of. Growing is celebrated in childhood, birthdays and landmark achievements are glorified and something to rejoice.

As children we are encouraged to learn and grow, but as adults the tables turn on us, and any kind of growth or positive change is much less supported, or worse maligned by those around us, eager to "bring us down a peg."

The message behind this saying is loud and clear to me:  

Don't grow or better yourself too much! Don't you dare be better than me!

Why would we say that to people? Surely to grow is a good thing? Why would we hold them back?

I suspect this expression was coined by someone who was envious of another's growth or intimidated by their progress compared to their own.

It's certainly much easier to bring somebody else down who's improving themselves and perhaps making you feel inferior, than it is to put the work in yourself and join them.

It's an attitude that any successful person has undoubtedly come up against at some point in their life, and it's a tough one to overcome, because it plays on your insecurities. Nobody wants to be thought of as conceited or arrogant by others, but if we let others' opinions of us, which are often based in fear, influence our decisions, we will never be all that we can be.

This provokes an internal struggle between who and what we aspire to be and the old programming we received from the society or family we grew up in. 

Society wants us to conform, not stand out.

Thinking logically though, we no longer live in the old upper & lower class society where it wasn't acceptable to "rise above your station," where the working or peasant classes were repressed and not given any opportunity to better themselves. Despite this,  many of these old ingrained and backward beliefs still appear to linger, like ghosts of the past trying to scare us back into mediocrity.

Well, I challenge you to dare to be different and shine your light! Blow your own trumpet! Toot your horn!

Nobody said expanding your comfort zone and growing as a person would be easy, but I'll admit I wasn't expecting it to be quite so hard either.

If you get "too big for your boots," then it's clearly time to go out and buy a new pair that fit you better.

And next time it happens to me, maybe I'll get myself a new pair of fabulous heels while I'm there!

100% Authentic You

Something I come across on a regular basis is people's pre-conceptions about me because of what I do.

I think a lot of people expect to meet a tie-dye clad hippy sporting dreadlocks, floaty, ethnic garb and facial piercings or at the very least some sort of fortune teller-style gypsy scarf around my head.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint but there's no way in hell I'd be caught dead looking like that. 

(Not to mention my stylist, the lovely Anita from House of Colour would probably shoot me on the spot!)

I'm more spiritual-chic than hippy-chick, I do fabulous not festivals, and I'll take Christian Dior over Tie-Dye any day of the week!

I remember my first networking meeting with a local group when starting out with my spiritual business. I would introduce myself and tell Mr Jones from the local accountancy firm or whoever, what I did, then watched heir confused face with some amusement, as they struggled to reconcile the tall, chic, blonde woman in a tailored suit in front of him, with what they imagined a clairvoyant medium "should" look like.

I suppose the moral of the story is not to judge people on appearance, and I admit I can be guilty of that, as much as the rest of us.

It never ceases to amaze me when the most unlikely people tell me about their spiritual beliefs and experiences, and confide in me that they too believe in angels, read Tarot cards or go for spiritual healing and love it!

And so steps in the Myth Buster! It's my job to bring the spiritual side of life into the mainstream for all to see and understand, but also to show that its really important to be authentic, to live your truth.

Spirituality and spiritual lifestyle outside of mainstream religion isn't confined to those who fit the often disliked "alternative" or hippy stereotypes. 

And whilst you may not be ready to stand up and be counted,  know that you have more support within the ranks than you think.

~

If you'd like to learn more about what I do, or fancy developing your own psychic abilities, please contact me. I run online courses and one to one training as well as my readings. I promise I not to make you burn your bra or wear a daisy chain headdress - unless you want to, of course...

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The Search for Meaning

So here we are, it's 2012, and it's August already.  The millennium came and went without the world ending, there was no second coming of the Christ, and no spaceships landed; so it seems we are on our own, still looking for meaning in our lives.

With church attendance at an all time low, it seems that the traditional mainstream religions no longer offer many people the answers they are looking for.  OK, so that's  hardly breaking news, but it is still very true in Britain today at least.

Some people have, perhaps optimistically, turned to other alternative religions or ancient beliefs looking for validation (surely the truth must be out there?) and for answers to those age old questions that intrigue us all at some point in our lives:

Why am I here, where did I come from and what happens after I die? What's the point?

Well the bad news is I can't give you a simple answer, so I'm not going to try. So unless you're happy with Douglas Adam's suggestion from Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy that the answer to Life the Universe and Everything really is 42, the chances are you are going to be taking a very long journey to find out, throughout your whole life.

I recently saw Clint Eastwood's movie Hereafter, which to my surprise, turned out to be a film about what I do, about a psychic medium. It was refreshing to see a film that finally caters for the public's thirst for knowledge about the afterlife and the big question of whether there really is life after death. 

I was pleasantly surprised that my favourite topic had been chosen for a big Hollywood film and more importantly, put across in such a sympathetic and open-minded manner. 

Lets be honest, when a film talks about life after death, you can I usually expect to be subjected to a story about a frightening poltergeist haunting, or a demonisation of psychic abilities where an innocent virgin is possessed and tortured, or some sappy romantic nonsense ... you know the type. 

It was nice to finally see a mainstream film that broached the subject of mediumship and life after death, without any religious bias being pandered to, or even mentioned.

The film feels a bit slow to get going, but like all good yarns, it all makes perfect sense in the end.  The story brings together two main characters; a French journalist Marie Lelay who has a near death experience during the Tsunami, and George a reluctant, but very talented American psychic medium.

I wont spoil the story if you haven't seen it, but suffice to say it really is a breath of fresh air. Speaking and as a formerly rather reluctant medium myself, I was left with a wry smile on my face, feeling validated for once, and  possibly a little guilty for taking so long to start working with my own abilities.

Admittedly, for a long time I didn't do much with my gifts, and for a time, I even shared George's view that life is so much easier if you just pretend that you don't have them at all. 

Like George, I have always had a full-time job as well as my spiritual work, so I never really had time to think about spirit or readings for 8 hours a day while sorting out the more mundane and definitely un-spiritual matter of people's insurance claims. 

Unlike George, I learned that I do need to stand up and use my abilities for everybody's good.

For too long now, mediumship and spirituality has stayed in the shadows for fear of being rejected by a fearful public, who for a long time were manipulated by those with vested interests in keeping us ignorant on the subject.  The tide is slowly turning, attitudes are changing, and whether they realise it or not, people are becoming more spiritually open-minded and curious.

Nobody likes to be the first to stand up and stick their neck out; it's a pretty scary thing to do.  I greatly admire the likes of Colin Fry, Jackie Newcombe, Gordon Smith and others who have put themselves in the public eye, and at the same time at mercy of the unforgiving media as a result.

Somebody told me once that to walk the spiritual path is never an easy one, in fact it can feel like the most difficult one you can go down at times, but it is also very rewarding.

These days I can vouch for that, and I certainly wouldn't have it any other way.

We each have our own personal spiritual journey to follow, so maybe by sharing our experiences, and using our own abilities, we can give others the key to finding their  truth and their own answers.

One thing I know for sure; you've got to find your truth and follow your own path. 

Like they say, you have to be yourself - everyone else is already taken!

~

If you'd like to see Helen in action, book a one on one or group session (up to 8 people). 
Please contact us for more info:
Tel: 07795 818646 - Email: info@angelwingsholistics.com or visit www.angelwingsholistics.com

Spirituality for the Broadband Generation...

I don’t have time for a spiritual practise!

I really don’t!

I work long hours each week, I cook my meals from scratch, do all my own shopping and housework, entertain my very demanding cat, spend hours being bored, feeling restless and questioning the meaning of life, (well I am human!) but nope, definitely no time for spiritual practise!

I don’t go to any sort of church or spiritual place of prayer or study. I certainly don’t take time out to meditate every day. Some of my “spiritual” peers would recoil in horror at this admission!

So how can I possibly be a spiritual person?

Well, the truth is that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, so how can we not be?

We live in a society of now, now, now and more, more, more. We want it all, and we don’t want to wait for it. We are the Broadband Generation.

What is a “Spiritual Practise” anyway? The words suggest a repetition of certain spiritual pursuits. Does that have to mean going to church – I don’t think so. I have met many very wise and highly spiritual people in my life so far and most of them hadn’t set foot in a church for years, if ever.

Not that there’s anything wrong with churches I hasten to add, but just don’t have the monopoly on spirituality.

Spiritual practise and spirituality aren’t about being a sheep and going somewhere to be told what to do and how to act. We’re grown-ups; we already know how to do that.

Well, most of us do. I have met some exceptions to the rule.

Spiritual practise to me is getting back in touch with our spiritual selves and remembering who we truly are. Beautiful, highly evolved creatures of light and love, capable of so much more than we usually allow ourselves to achieve in this lifetime.

It is a remembering, we just don’t realise it at first. This is the paradox. We are evolving towards an enlightened spiritual state during this lifetime, but that’s what we already are.

Yep, that will mess with your head for a while!

The remembering is slow for most of us, you don’t wake up one morning and go

“F*ck me, I’m an infinite spirit! What am I doing in this funny little fleshy body?!”

Now like many of you, I’ve read my fair share of spiritual books in my search for meaning, spiritual evolvement and happiness. A lot of them talk about the benefits of meditation.

If I had a pound each time I’d been told I should meditate every morning for 30 minutes or so, I’d be very rich by now.

Meditation is all well and good, and I’m a big fan, but I just don’t have the time! I’m not a morning person at the best of times, and the thought of losing 30 minutes precious slumber before a long, arduous day in my other incarnation working for an insurance company, is more than I can bear!

In the evening I tend to be too tired to meditate and barely able to cook my own dinner, do my household chores and numbly surf the internet while my brain winds down, and maybe stream a movie to my laptop before bedtime.

Sound familiar?

Most people I know encounter similar blocks to their spiritual practise and feel they are somehow failing. You’re not, I promise.

I would agree that it’s far from ideal, but it’s where I find myself right now.

And that’s OK.

It doesn’t mean that you’re not a spiritual person just because you don’t spend hours on end sitting in a cave chanting mantras, or because you can’t travel to India to meet some obscure Guru, or you don’t practise meditation regularly or attend holy sites and rituals.

The whole world is my church, my holy site. I bow to the sun, I send healing rays to people that work with me, random strangers, and sometimes to the whole world just for fun. I bless the people I meet, give thanks for the bounty of the earth and the beauty all around me.

I was able to pick up on other people’s feelings, foresee the future and communicate with animals and with the spirits of those who have passed over before I ever first attempted to meditate, so it can’t be the only thing that leads to spiritual awareness, surely?

Spiritual practise should be as natural as breathing! And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise, they’re wrong.

Life is abundant with beauty and joy, and awareness is the key to spiritual enlightenment.

If you can become aware of what is true, and cut through the toxic fog of negative thoughts and words, then that is spiritual practise. Showing kindness and compassion is spiritual practise.

Sending positive loving thoughts to somebody who is sick or lonely is also spiritual practise.

All the wisdom of the universe is already inside you. There’s no need to spend years studying or crawling on your hands and knees to find it.

We are the Broadband Generation, and our path is a lot easier in many ways than that of those who came before us, in previous centuries.

You are already connected to your higher self, so just download the knowledge that is already yours!

Does that sound a bit “Matrix” to you? Yes, me to. Don’t you just love it?!

Feeling Down?

Everybody feels down sometimes, but I've noticed a lot of sad faces around at the moment.

I've not been exempt from it either; I felt quite low myself a few weeks ago.

Nobody likes feeling down, but I learned recently that your own thoughts can make you feel worse by beating  you up about feeling down and being "a misery" so it's a double whammy. Talk about catch 22!

Society doesn't like you to be anything other than happy and conformist either, so well-meaning friends, family or colleagues may unhelpfully tell you to "cheer up" or "snap out of it."

As a result we tend to try & pull ourselves out of it by stuffing back down whatever was bothering us.

A dangerous thing to do - and sadly one that's like to come back & bite you!

I've been doing a lot of work on myself, much of it healing work, and many of my past and present issues have been coming up. It's been a long, painful journey, but I know I'll come out the other side better for it.  I have to remind myself that it's OK to feel down sometimes.  There are times when all you want to do is scream, cry and hit pillows - and you need to go and do it!

Get the anger, frustration, sadness or whatever it is out of your system. You can't hold onto that stuff without it hurting yourself on some level, so let it out. 

Many of the spiritual schools of thought teach that harmful emotions when held onto, manifest as physical problems in the body such as injury and illness. Even medical doctors concede that mental state has a lot to do with your health.

Buddhist teacher Tara Brach suggests that when you have these "bad emotions" to recognise and  name them, i.e. anger, frustration, sadness, and allow yourself to feel them fully, and they will  pass quicker.

Children have no problems expressing their emotions, toddlers are perfect examples of how to release them. They'll have a tantrum and a few minutes later will be happily playing with their toys again!

Now, I'm not advocating that you go and punch your neighbour in the face for annoying you, there are always appropriate ways of expressing your anger, and hurting yourself or others is not one of them.

Equally, I'd like to encourage you not to bottle it up either. Just because you succeed in "controlling" the emotion and repressing it, doesn't mean you've dealt with it, and it certainly doesn't mean it's gone.

It will just as likely come back at a later date and bite you in the proverbial!

Many of my peers who are healers or psychics believe it's somehow "un-spiritual" to feel anger or other negative emotions, and I fear that many of them repress their feelings as a result, in an attempt to appear more enlightened.

The fact is that we are all human. You can't get away from things that will make you angry or upset, and it's only natural to have and express these feelings. Even the Bible depicts that Jesus got a bit cross now and then as I recall!

Moreover, you validate the feelings of those who look up to you, and show that it's very much OK to have them. I would be very wary of any spiritual teacher who tries to tell you that anger no longer affects them, and who acts enlightened and perfect - I would almost guarantee they're living a lie!

So if you're feeling down today, it's ok. Don't be down on yourself for feeling down. Honour your feelings and don't feel bad about having them.

Let yourself feel them, and express them in a safe manner. 

When you're ready, they will go all by themselves, and the world will smile again.

:)