What goes around...

"What comes around goes around."

There's so much truth in this saying. It's much more than a cliché or something that you just say to comfort yourself when you've been wronged, it's the natural law of the universe.

What you give will eventually be what you get - just maybe not today, and only if you let it.

I often see people after relationship breakups lamenting the fact that they gave so much, loved so much but it was never returned by the object of their affection.  Equally you may have helped a friend or shown kindness to a stranger and felt put out when the favour wasn't returned or they didn't even bother to thank you.

Don't be discouraged! What you send out into the world, whether it's kindness, love, affection, or even anger and hatred (eek!) will always come back to you one way or another.

The key phrase here being one way or another.

It's much easier to see this once you learn that it's not always the person you were expecting or hoping to return the favour or the love, that gives it back to you.

Love and kindness are never wasted, so please never stop giving them.  The Law of Attraction is very clear about this - what you send out always comes back.  Your thoughts and feelings are messengers to the universe, and it will  reflect them right back to you.

Yes, that's right. Your thoughts and feelings directly affect and create your reality! Empowering isn't it?

Luckily for us, positive thoughts and feelings are a lot stronger than the negative ones, so you don't have to worry about getting cross occasionally. People who have done wrong and been cruel or unkind will suffer their own fate, don't you worry about that. 

But here's the real clincher; 

You have to allow yourself to receive the good that you're due.  

How many times do you refuse to let others help you? When have you turned down somebody who wanted to do a good deed? The universe can only give you what you actually allow it to! Stop blocking the flow of kindness and love, and let others help you!

I have to reiterate this last point rather a lot in my readings, often to women and frequently to mothers.

Giving is wonderful, but receiving is also necessary in order for someone to give!

Our society seems to be programmed that its ok to give but not to receive. 

"To give is better than to receive." they tell us.

What a load of cobblers! I want you to throw that saying away right now, and replace it with this one;

"Giving and receiving love make the world a better place."

If everybody is busy trying to give and nobody wants to receive, the energy gets stuck and can't flow like it should. How does that help anybody? It doesn't!

Know your self worth - you are worthy of receiving, just like everybody else.

So next time you're about to turn down an offer help, I want you to think very carefully about why you're doing it. Do you believe on some level that it's somehow "rude" or "selfish" to accept help and kindness?  Let me tell you right now - It's not! In fact, you are giving the other person a great gift by allowing them to give to you!

You know that great feeling you get when you help somebody selflessly? When you show love, kindness and care? Lovely isn't it. Makes you feel all warm inside. So, why would you deny those good feelings to another person by refusing to let them help you?

Now that is selfish!

Kindness and love shown to others always comes back  to you - as long as you let it.

What goes around really does come back around, but you need to remember get out of the way and let it happen!

Just Be YOU

When did just being yourself cease to be good enough? When did doing your best stop being OK?

I was wondering this today whilst eating a well-earned, vegan, cooked breakfast.

In my work I have to help people through many difficult situations, often involving relationship breakdowns, employment changes, "failures" and other challenging times in their lives. You know, the run of the mill stuff that happens to all of us, the times when we all need a helping hand, or a kind word to help us get by.

What really startles me though, is the number of people who refuse to believe that just being themselves, and doing their best is already enough.

"Oh, if only I'd done this, or been that, or bought the other, things would have been different!"

Would they really? I doubt it.

This may sound obvious, but you can only ever be YOU.  You can't be somebody else, and you shouldn't try.

Living a lie is awful - it's not living at all. It's barely existing, playing a part like an actor, denying your truth, your reality. You become a mere spectre of your former self - a ghost. Life loses all meaning.

You did the best you could under the circumstances, and that's all you could have done.

No one can ever do more than that. So why beat yourself up about it? You can't change the past, and you can't change what you did or how others reacted.

Chances are that you actually did pretty well in whichever challenging situation you're still ruminating over, so right now you should actually be giving yourself a pat on the back rather than beating yourself up about your "shortcomings."

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for self development and improving our skills in the workplace, in relationships and growing as a person. But let me make one thing absolutely clear:

You are enough and You are good enough. 

Not everybody will see that, and not everybody will like you or appreciate what you do.

That's their problem, not yours. Other people's opinions of you are none of your business. They don't define who you are, they're just opinions.

Your responsibility in this life is to remember how to love yourself, put yourself first and be OK with being you. Otherwise, what's the point?

I see so many people searching for meaning in their lives - always looking outside of themselves to circumstances, objects or other people to make them feel better, to make them feel they have a purpose. Unsurprisingly, this never works, or if it does, then only for a very limited time.

The purpose of your life is to live it. To be you. That is all, so enjoy it.

You were born to be you, that is your job in this lifetime. To quote the inspiring Lisa Nichols, "Nobody else can dance your dance or sing your song..."

So please, take a load off and relax. You are already a perfect being, you were created to be YOU. Isn't that amazing?! Without you the world would be a lesser place. 

You are an amazing spiritual being expressing yourself in human form! You are already perfect!

Think of all the people you've touched in your life, the ones you've helped, the other ones you may have challenged and in doing so helped them to grow.

You are amazing, and your life is so important just because you're YOU! Doesn't that make you feel great?

The best part is that after all the restless searching, trying to find meaning in our lives, the answer was there all along.

Life is so simple, that you can sum it up in two words;

I AM

And so are you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you need some extra clarity, or if you're looking for answers, you can book your own private reading with Helen; The Myth Buster is at your service! 

Visit www.angelwingsholistics.com or email helen@angelwingsholistics.com

Lets get your life back on track!

Cast not thy Pearls before Swine...

I've been reminded of this saying a few times over the past couple of weeks, and boy is it ever true! It's one that my own dear Daddy has reminded me of many times in my life, and is all too easily forgotten.

For those of you unfamiliar with this expression, here is the passage from the Bible, Matthew 7:6

"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you."

Whilst I'm not a religious person, (I prefer to call myself 'spiritual') there is a lot of wisdom to be gained from these simple words. 

Giving your time, efforts or objects to people who won't appreciate them is a big waste of energy. 

I see so many people doing this, and then even worse, giving their power away, by allowing those other people's judgements to dictate whether they have done well or deserve any praise. 

Other people should not be given control over your self esteem. Your life is not an episode of X-Factor!

~

A friend lamented to me recently about a failed relationship in which he gave his all, and went far beyond the call of duty, all to no avail. It seems that much like the proverbial pigs, the woman in question just wasn't able to appreciate his efforts, no matter what he did, and he was left feeling well and truly trampled on.

I reminded him of this expression, and pointed out that sometimes, it's not you. It's them.

I sagely repeated the words told to me by the very wise Jeanette at the end of my own, equally horrible, last relationship:

"You are lovely and she is just an a**hole. End of story." 

(Yes, ladies and gentlemen, sometimes the Myth Buster does swear.)

I was reminded of this saying again last week, whilst working online, on Oranum.com.  I'm one of the resident psychics and I offer my services, giving live readings to members of the public.

When I'm online, part of my job includes doing "Demo Readings" which means that I occasionally have to do a free, public reading for a member of the site, on webcam, with lots of people watching. In theory, it's great for demonstrating how I work, and answers a lot of questions people have about my style of reading etc.

This demo however, was not was I was expecting. Normally, I can pick the site member I want to do a reading for, but this time, something went a bit wrong (darn you Mercury Retrograde!) and I ended up with a rather nasty man who made it his mission to try and torture me for the whole 30 minutes.

An unpleasant game of "test the psychic" ensued.

He spent his time merrily telling me that I was getting everything wrong, only to have to take it back later in the conversation, when I pointed out some truths about him that he couldn't deny. At one point he even became rude and abusive. It took all my award-winning customer service skill not to tell him where to go! 

I know that despite his disparaging remarks, I did a great job, both with the reading and in managing an extremely difficult customer.

~

So please remember, just because somebody else doesn't appreciate you or your efforts, it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. In fact you may have surpassed all your expectations and achieved a personal best.

Just don't make the mistake of allowing others to be the judge of that.

You are the boss of your life, and if you think you did well, then gosh darned it, you did. And congratulations from me to boot.

You are so much better, kinder, wiser and stronger than most people will give you credit for in this lifetime.

You Rock! And I want you to remember that.

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

I woke up this morning feeling inexplicably sunny.

Now that's nothing unusual for me, because I am usually a happy person, and I like to spread joy to people around me, but why so sunny today in particular?

I decided not to get caught up too much in the whys and just enjoy it instead.

It was tipping down with rain when I woke up, and quite a miserable November day here on the South coast of England, but my inner sun was shining brightly in spite of this, and I've had a big grin on my face all day!

As I wrote this, the sun came out and shone through my window. I'd like to think that I had something to do with that...

Recently, I've been trying a new gratitude technique I came across on the wonderful Leah Shapiro's blog called the Daily Yum. Sounds fun doesn't it?

Well basically, it's a gratitude exercise with a difference; a daily ritual to start the day in the best way possibly and use the law of attraction to make the day as yummy as possible. I've been doing it for about a week now and I love it! I'm definitely feeling less like baked beans and more like ice cream! 

(Soya ice cream for me of course.)

The more I learn about the laws of attraction and about true joy and happiness, the more it all makes sense, and interlinks perfectly.

The root cause of all unhappiness lies in the mind. Your thoughts are ultimately the things that can make you happy or sad, not your external circumstances.  It's how you think about them that counts.

I believe that we are all incredible spiritual beings having a human experience. What I mean by that is that we unlimited souls living in very limited human bodies, living on our little plant called Earth. Most of us don't remember that we are omnipotent spiritual creatures, and that's part of the game. We are here to learn things afresh, to experience new things. It's not supposed to be easy, but it can be wonderful.

Now, surely being happy is something we all know how to do isn't it? Or is it really?

Something I've discovered that most of us aren't very happy at all, because we've forgotten how.

Children are born with this inner happiness, but sadly our narcissistic culture trains it out of us, and the lack of focus on inner peace and joy means that we forget how to be happy in ourselves, and actually unlearn it at some point.

 The capitalist-driven influences in our modern society encourage us to look outside of ourselves for happiness and validation, to acquire possessions, cars, houses, jewellery, trophy partners and other status symbols of "happiness" and "having it all" but, ultimately we all know deep down that none of those things will make us truly happy.

I've said this before but it's worth repeating:

Nothing and no one can "make" you happy - only you can do that.

I've spent many years working on this. I've overcome depression and various difficulties in my own life, all because I was so determined to learn how to be happy again. There are plenty of resources out there to help with this, and I'll be talking about this subject in more detail, in some coming articles.

But for now, please let me reassure you. No matter how unhappy or stuck or just plain dissatisfied you might feel in yourself and your life right now, you can be happy again.  Permanently.

You have an amazing light inside of you, and once you reconnect with your inner sunshine, nothing and no one will be able to keep you down, ever again.

So shine my friends, learn to be a light to yourself and others - lets bring back the joy!

It's going to take more than a little rain to take my sunshine away!

The Amphitheatres of the 21st Century?

Gladiators, blood, and guts, chariots, lions, screaming, clashing swords, Russell Crowe looking hot (OK, maybe that last one is just me) - these are a few things that come to mind when you think of Roman Amphitheatres and Gladiatorial battles.

In today's society it shocks us when we think about what passed for entertainment a few hundred years ago.  We've all seen the images in epic films of terrified gladiators being mauled by lions or decapitated by their opponent as the crowd goes wild.

How barbaric, we say! Causing horrific suffering to another human being for your own pleasure! Why would you do that?

But have we really moved on as far as we would like to think?

I was recently discussing the incredibly popular TV show "I'm a Celebrity...Get me out of here!" with a  friend, and I realised that perhaps we haven't moved on that much at all.

Granted, nobody is actually killed in these programs, but the audience takes great pleasure in watching minor celebrities being tortured - made to eat disgusting foods, deprived of rations, sleep, and made to carry out impossible tasks in humiliating and dirty conditions.

OK, so nowadays it's desperate Z-list celebrities looking for publicity and making a last ditch attempt to re-animate their dying careers rather than enslaved gladiators fighting for their lives and freedom, and the amphitheatres have been replaced with television studios and sets. 

Admittedly the circumstances are a little different, and we have better technology, but the motivation of these participants is still the same. Survival. 

It all feels rather voyeuristic and somewhat sadistic - why would you want to watch somebody suffer? Are we really any better than the huge crowds that used to pack into the amphitheatres of ancient Rome?

Why is there still such a lust in our society to watch others being made to suffer for our entertainment?!

Another example is the notorious Big Brother which by the show's own admission, becomes more evil & manipulative as the series go by; intentionally putting clashing personalities together in ever more challenging and claustrophobic conditions, and setting up awkward situations to watch the sparks fly.

I have heard that these shows are a favourite of psychology students, and I'm sure they are very interesting from a purely psychological point of view, but in reality the participants are little more than  gladiators or perhaps laboratory rats, being put in difficult and unkind situations to see how they cope and react, all for our amusement.

Nobody seems to stop and think why the public in general enjoys this so much - why does this kind of cruel show still draw such huge crowds in our supposedly highly-civilised society?

Why do so many people take such pleasure in watching others suffer?

I don't have the answer to that, and I'm not a psychologist, but as a rational human being, it occurs to me that if people were truly happy in themselves, they wouldn't need to watch others suffering in order to be "entertained."

Why do so many of us need to distract ourselves from our everyday lives, and take out our frustrations on people in TV shows? Goading and cheering, voting by phone and text to decide who will be made to suffer next. Are we little more than a modern version of the angry, starving people of Rome towards the end of the fall of the empire, baying for blood to distract us from our unhappy lives instead of doing something about it?

Next time you feel inclined to watch one of these shows, I challenge you to stop and think for a moment - why do you really want to watch this?

Maybe it's time to ditch the distractions, and take a long, hard look at ourselves instead. Maybe it's time to see what changes we can make in our lives to be happier people, to be more at peace with ourselves, so that we no longer need to watch others suffer for our "entertainment." 

Who knows -  the world might even become a nicer place to live in...

Never Fight Your Feelings

"You should never fight your feelings ... " so the song by Embrace goes. And that's absolutely right.

It never ceases to amaze me the wisdom that comes out of seemingly vacuous pop songs.

We've all had a time in our lives where we have feelings we wish we didn't have, anger, resentment, even love for somebody who has betrayed or let us down. We wish we could just switch them off and we fight them, trying to beat them into submission, and beat ourselves up by the same measure.

Stop!

Feelings are there to be felt - your emotions are what you feel and there's nothing you can do about it.

Feelings aren't bad, they just tell you things about yourself. They remind us that we're alive, that we are loving, caring people, or that we believe in something.

The best way to help unwanted feelings to go is firstly to accept that you have them, then to allow yourself to feel them fully, without judgement. Recognise them, let them come in, feel them fully - no matter how painful, and I promise they will pass leaving you with a feeling of peace.

I had to carry out this very exercise this morning. I was feeling sorry for myself, and decided to let myself feel it instead of berating myself for being a "weakling."

I had a good cry, let it all out, and the feelings subsided leaving me more peaceful and able to enjoy the rest of my day.

I've touched on this in the past in my previous article Feeling Down? but I felt this needed repeating again, because I'm seeing a lot of people going through difficult times right now, and a little extra TLC is needed.

Mercury turned retrograde on 6th November which always brings up challenging emotions and is a time of introspection and looking at the past. That's never easy, and can be turbulent for anyone.

So please, if you're having a hard time, don't make it worse for yourself by trying to repress your feelings. You can't fight them so don't try. Honour them for what they are, let them out and let them go. They will pass eventually.

Feelings need to be felt. 

Just remember one thing - you don't have to act on them!

'Tis the Season to be... Selfish?

It's October. There are 71 days until the big day at the time of writing this article. Yes you guessed it - I'm talking about Christmas, Yule, The Holiday Season if you will.

We've not even had Hallowe'en yet and the shops are already  bombarding us with Christmas lights, tinsel, apparel, foods (which incidentally will be long out of date by the actual holiday), alcohol and the usual mountains of toys and silly "stocking filler" and "must-have" gifts.

Am I turning into a grumpy old lady or is this holiday stuff getting more ridiculous every year?

Now, I have nothing against being organised and planning your holiday in advance, budgeting and perhaps buying presents throughout the year, but I've been seeing this sort of thing since September. It all feels a little excessive, and perhaps a bit desperate on the part of the shops and our society as a whole.

Buy, buy, buy! The adverts scream at us - Eat, eat, eat! Greed, greed, greed!

I'm sorry to say it, but our vacuous, celebrity-worshipping, narcissistic culture has really lost the meaning of this holiday and turned it into a monstrous, brightly lit, greed-fest that glorifies selfishness and gluttony.

Instead of carols, when I think of this holiday, I hear the sounds of screaming spoilt children (I can't believe you got me a Blackberry - I wanted an iPhone5!) and the images that fill my mind are not of giving and sharing, but of senseless hoarding, overeating, social exclusion and waste.

Oh yes, I hear you say, we all know about the starving children in Africa, but there's nothing we can do about that! Anyway I gave £2 to a charity 6 months ago, so I've done my part!

Have you really?

What about the people closer to home who are simply left out at Christmas time? The lonely, the excluded, the undesirables, the ones with no family. The elderly left in care homes, the sick in hospitals whose relatives either don't care or can't be bothered to visit their "cantankerous" old uncle, the homeless, the invisible ones, the "normal" ones who just have nowhere to go?

Why is it left to a few good people who volunteer at the holidays (or have to work because it's their job) to try and make the day less empty for these people?

Now, I'm sure I don't need to teach you about the meaning of the holiday in question here - no matter your belief system or faith, it's supposed to be a time of sharing, kindness and warmth. We all know this, we were all taught this in our schools, places of worship and/or family homes, so why do most of us fail to actually live up to that? Why do we pretend that everything's fine and just stuff our faces, drink ourselves silly and end up half-comatose, watching the Holiday Specials in front of the TV, without more than a thought for our fellow man who may not be so lucky?

Why do we not do more for others in the season of "goodwill to all men." Where is your goodwill or do you just pay lip-service to the sentiment like most people?

This may shock you but I found myself left alone at Christmas once, 12 years ago and it was the most depressing experience I've ever had. It was a shock to me too. I was in a new area with no friends to speak of, family who either lived miles away, or who selfishly told me I wasn't welcome and made no effort to include me even when I begged them to, and colleagues who just didn't care. When I mentioned it in passing, one colleague asked me not to talk about it because it was "making him feel depressed!" 

The only person who tried to help was a girl who barely knew me. 

What saddens me most is that my story is not unique - I was just one of thousands, some of whom didn't even have a roof over their heads or food to eat. I thank my lucky stars that I wasn't homeless that year too! 

Kudos to all the volunteers and workers who do what they can to include and look after the needy, helpless, lonely and ill during the holiday season. If you've never been alone at Christmas, you probably wont understand how heartbreaking it is to have to spend this "family" holiday alone . The dreadful feeling of social exclusion, not daring to turn on the TV because you know that every channel will be trying to shove it down your throat, reminding you over and over of how unwanted you are. It's more than you can bear, believe me.

There's a lot more everybody can do than they actually do, so I'm calling upon your conscience - this year make a difference. In this day and age, in such rich Western countries as ours, no one should be excluded or left out. No excuses.

Can you invite the lonely little old lady down the road and make an extra space at your table? Can you spare a few hours or gift for a needy child? Do you really "need" all that food?

Instead of allowing our children to think all about Me, Me, Me, and I Want, like the TV ads and retailers brainwash them to focus on for their shareholders' selfish gain, let's teach them to look after others. 

It's time to walk the talk, lead by example. 'Do as I say, not as I do' just doesn't work.

In a time when depression is at an all time high and people complain more than ever that their lives are empty and lacking meaning, this is so important to learn early on. Objects wont make you happy or fill your heart with joy (well not for long anyway). Things don't matter - people do.

Let's teach our children to make a difference. Let's be the difference.

~

A big thank you to the wonderful Michelle Ruffle who provided the inspiration for this article. Let our Christmas holiday volunteering be filled with fun, laughter and dressing up!

Leave no man behind!